Thursday, June 5, 2008

A Sweet Reminder...

Memories of Kate consume my thoughts throughout the day and little reminders bring on a lot of emotions. Today, I had a meltdown. A meltdown in......of all places.....Wal-Mart. Let me preface.

The last couple of weeks Kate was in the hospital, she had the cutest little roommate, Parker, who was there waiting for a heart transplant. He had the cutest little talking Pizza Elmo that he would play over and over again. Bryan and I would always get this song stuck in our heads. I had every word memorized and would sing along every time he would play it. I loved it!! As I was in Wal-Mart today buying some ribbon, on the opposite isle was this Elmo doll (totally misplaced). I was a little hesitant to pick it up and press its hand to make him sing, but I did. I didn't realize how emotional I would get over this little doll. Here I was in the middle of Wal-Mart....tears rolling down my face...making this Elmo doll sing over and over again and I was completely oblivious to anyone walking by. I'm sure they were thinking, "uhhhh.....PYSCHO." I have to say, though, that I am so grateful for these sweet reminders.

14 comments:

Robertson Clan said...

Dont worry...I still have melt-downs 5 years later...which I are ok to have every once in awhile because that means #1 you are human & #2 you are letting your "soul" if you will accept your loss...which helps with healing! The best part abt the melt-downs is though, I have NO doubt the ones we lost are with us all the time but even more so during those times..which means little Kate was singing that pizza song in "wally world" too!

Kristin Perry said...

Sometimes those little reminders come, I think because she's just making sure you know she's thinking of you just as much as you are thinking of her. I hope you bought it for little Mia so you can share that story with her someday about her best friend she used to have sleep overs and play dress ups with. Wish I could send a hug your way for times like this.

Lindsay said...

I, too, am grateful for little reminders - even if we do look like psychos in WalMart. :) Turst me, I have had my fair share of meltdowns in public places. It's okay to let yourself meltdown. This is not an easy thing, and you have every right to feel ANY way you want to. We just love Kate so much.

The Dumas Family said...

I think that out-of-place little Elmo was Kate's way of giving you a hug. She must have known that you needed a big one that day. I know without a doubt that she is always watching over her family and will hug you in her own sweet ways.

Fritzsche's said...

Marcae you are such a sweetheart. I agree that it was Kate's way of saying "Hi Mom" and giving you a hug. I can't imagine the feelings that could come up at any given moment. I'm so glad that you cherish them as sweet reminders. That is what I love about you.

katie said...

This really was a sweet reminder.
love ya!

Jen said...

awwwwww (I'm saying with my lip pouty) that is SO sweet....you're such a great person Marcae. I know that little Kater Bugs misses her mommy too.

Lacey said...

Memories are little treasures. I just had a meltdown myself reading that. I love you Marcae and I know I will never understand what you are going through. You mean so much to me and I truly admire the woman you are. Thanks for sharing that because I truly believe that Kate uses those moments to shout out "I Love You Mom."

McKinlay Family said...

That's what makes you a mom and makes us love you so much. I think about you always, we will do a WalMart run together soon, they just opened a Super Walmart so close, I love it. That nerdiness, makes me a Mom.

Jamie said...

I love you Marc! I had a melt down in front of my young women talking about you and Kate last week. I was talking about your amazing eternal perspective. Thanks for this sweet post it brought tears to my eyes.

Sweet Pickles said...

I think that is one of the sweetest things I've heard. I can only imagine the things that must trigger emotions. You are such a good example and are teaching people like me how to realize the important things in life.

ali said...

Hi, this is the saddest story. I remember doing things like that with my brother who died and he wasn't even my child. I was at a Creed concert with a bunch of people from work who I didn't know that well. My brother had loved Creed right before he died and had been listening to it all the time. I started bawling and luckily hid it pretty well. I only think one person saw. Anyway, just wanted to let you know that I could relate.

Likes Chocolate said...

It is so normal. Even though my son did not pass away not to long ago we were visiting a friends son who has cancer and the beeping of the machines set me off crying that I had to leave the room. I guess it takes a while to process everything. A couple of months after the surgery, my husband couldn't get out of bed for a few days. He was depressed. We didn't know why because our son is ok. We talked with someone and they told us that my husband suffered what is called Post tramatic stress syndrom. He is ok now. Hang in there. It seems like you have a really great support system.

Brynnly said...

Your blog as touched me so much! You are so strong and are such an example to me. You are in my thoughts are prayers.
Mia is looking so cute by the way! It was really good to see all of you at Treo's shower. I'm so glad I have your blog now. We can be blog buddies! Mine is www.brynnly.blogspot.com. :)